Perimenopause & Pleasure: The Sex-Positive Rewrite We All Need

by
Shari Klein

Menopause is having a cultural moment — but most of us still don’t know what actually happens in the years leading up to it. During a recent Radio Pleasure Society episode, Shari sat down with Karin Hesselvik, founder of MMeet, to unpack the part no one talks about: how perimenopause affects sexuality, desire, and identity. ..

Perimenopause: The Pre-Party No One Told Us About

Perimenopause is the 7–10 year transition before menopause — and it’s where all the action happens. Karin didn’t even know the word until she was deep in brain fog, convinced she had dementia. Turns out: completely normal.

Common symptoms include:

  1. Brain fog
  2. Insomnia
  3. Rage or emotional spikes
  4. Changes in libido
  5. Vaginal dryness + tissue sensitivity
  6. Even random things like frozen shoulder


The problem? Most of us never learn about this stage, not in school, not from our parents, not from doctors. So women end up navigating it alone.

The Hormonal Veil Lifts — and Pleasure Shifts

Karin describes this period as a moment when the “hormonal veil” lifts. With estrogen dipping, the people-pleasing version of you steps aside and a more honest, boundary-heavy you emerges.

Sexually, that can mean:

  1. Desire changes — but doesn’t disappear.
  2. You become clearer about what you want.
  3. Pleasure becomes more intentional, less performative.


Yes, some physical changes can make sex painful or complicated, but many of them are fixable — especially with support, conversation, and good tools.

Nervous System First, Pleasure Second

One of the biggest insights:

You can’t access pleasure when your nervous system is fried. And perimenopause often puts your body in fight-or-flight.

Radio Pleasure Society #44 - Me…

Simple practices help:

  1. Breathwork
  2. Shaking or somatic movement
  3. Grounding
  4. Slowing down before intimacy

Think of it as foreplay for your inner world.

HRT Isn’t the Villain We Were Told It Was

Hormone therapy once got a bad reputation due to a misinterpreted study — and women around the world stopped getting treatment overnight. But new research shows it’s safer and more beneficial than we were led to believe.

Karin, now three months on HRT, shared she feels more:

  1. Clear
  2. Juicy
  3. Energized
  4. Sexually alive

And even localized vaginal estrogen can transform comfort and desire.

This Belongs in Sex Ed — For Everyone

Karin’s daughters (ages 6 and 10!) already know the words menopause and perimenopause — not because they need the details, but because it normalizes something every person with ovaries will go through.

Imagine if we all grew up with language instead of shame.

Karin’s 3 Things She Wishes She Knew Sooner

  1. Your hormones aren’t broken — they just need a new manual.
  2. Curiosity beats fear.
  3. Pleasure is still yours — possibly even more.

Let’s Destigmatize Menopause, Pleasure-Style

Perimenopause isn’t the end of anything.

It’s a shift — one that can bring clarity, autonomy, deeper intimacy, and yes… absolutely gorgeous sex.

And honestly?

This is exactly the kind of taboo worth smashing together.

Listen on Echobox

Each month, The Pleasure Society takes to the Echobox airwaves for an intimate and insightful radio hour hosted by Shari Klein.